Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
