I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
