WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
