you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
