My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
