Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
