I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
