I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
