your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
