I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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