I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
