i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
