you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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