cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
