i permit you to call me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
