he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
