I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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