I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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