I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
