I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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