How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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