i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
