so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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