when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
