turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
