I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
