It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Your cock deserves a montage
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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