I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
