I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
