I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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