I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
