drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
