i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
