we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
