doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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