New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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