How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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