glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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