Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
