I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He felt like a one man threesome
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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