from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
