what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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