Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
And then he peed in my hair
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