She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
