I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
