Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
