I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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