I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
