Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
