If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
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