wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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