Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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