sarcasm needs its own font
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
