tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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