I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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