Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it's like iHOP with fire
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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