My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
