I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
