the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
