My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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