He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
