I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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