they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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